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منجد باخوس: المرأة التي

5 أكتوبر، 2020
نوال حسن الشيخ
968 تعليق

حلمت بالمرأة التي منحتني الحب، و فتحت فمي ذات يوم كالرضيع، ثم سكبت الحنان بأحشائي دون أن تنتظر مني سداد تلك الفواتير مطلقا..!
كانت امرأة نقية النفس، تتلبسها عشرات الأرواح لنبيات، بروح متصوفة، و قلب عاشق: كان دائما يفقدني صوابي.

امرأة منحتني الحب كاملا، منحتني الحياة، و الحزن، ثم أورثتني عبادة طيفها البعيد بعد أن رحلت، و ذلك جعل شفائي منها أمرا عسيرا بعد كل هذه السنوات.

رحيلها أصابني في مقتل، كان شيئا صعبا، يشبه الإحتضار الطويل. برحيلها فقدت طفولتي، فقدت الشغف الذي كان يميزني، فقدت الرغبة في التواصل، أو الوصول، و لم يعد بعدها قلبي يقوى على الحركة، و هذا ما لم يفهمنه النساء اللاحقات في حياتي، فأنا لست قاسيا، و لست حجرا، و الأمر لا علاقة له بقسوة القلب، بل بإرادته، لأن قلبي في حقيقته مأخوذ بطيف بعيد، طيفها، الذي يشبه أغنية بعيدة، أغنية شجية، تثير كوامن لا متناهية في الروح، طيفها الذي من فرط نصاعته أكاد أتلمسه بيدي.

حلمت بها قبل قليل، حلمت بهذه المرأة، التي منحتني الحب، و في الحقيقة لا أذكر يوما واحدا منذ رحيلها و أنا استلقيت على فراشي لأنام دون أن أحلم بها!

لكنني قبل قليل حلمت حلما أصابني بالخوف!

كنت واقفا أمام باب غرفة موارب انتظر خروجها، يبدوا أنني قدمت من سفر طويل، و من مكان بعيد، بعد سنين ربما من الغياب. كنت واقفا وقفة الملهوف المعلومة، أنتظر خروجها بشغف و أطرافي تنخرط في ذلك البرود العشقي المريب، أنتظر خروجها، أنتظر رؤية ركضها الخفيف نحوي و معانقتي بعنف، شغف ، و محبة كما تفعل في كل مرة، حتى أنني في الواقع، وفي أحايين كثيرة تصنعت غيابا و سفرا مفتعلا لأشهد هذه اللحظة تحديدا.

حينما خرجت كنت مصعوقا، كانت شاحبة، أنهكها الهزال، اختفى بريق عينيها الساحر، بدت لي أطول قامة مني، تساقط شعرها المنثال كالقصيدة، و هي ترتدي بنطالا مثبت بقطعة قماش بالية، خرجت و هي تترنح، تبدوا منهكة حتى الموت، اقتربت منها، رائحة الخمر تفوح من جسدها، أصابني الذهول و أصابتني الحيرة و تساءلت عن كنه الذي حدث لها في غيابي الطويل! ما الذي جعلها تفعل ذلك بنفسها.

تترنح و هي تضحك، نظرت بعيني بعينين منهوبتان، لكن تلك النظرة جعلتني أنفجر بالبكاء! حينما حدقت داخل عينيها، و تفرست ملامحها الجديدة، أدركت أنني لم أعد هناك بأي حال، لم أر نفسي مرة أخرى داخل نظراتها، و في الحقيقة لم أرها هي أيضا، لكنني بكيت، و اقتربت منها، مددت يداي لأعانقها، لكنها تداعت كالماء أمامي، ذاب جسدها من بين أصابعي، بعد أن استحال إلى دم غزير، أخذ يعلو و يعلو، حتى امتلأت الغرفة، غرق جسدي كله، و شعرت بنفسي أختنق. فصحوت مفزوعا و حزينا!

أشعر بشيء غريب الآن و أنا أتقلب على فراشي!
لقد ذهبت هذه المرأة، المرأة التي منحتني الحب.

أردت النسيان
لكنها كانت تعبد البحر في الليل.
كانت امرأة تقية، تناجي الأسماك و التماسيح، و في بعض اللحظات الخاطفة.. يصيبها نوع غامض من الجذب الصوفي نحو رب ديانتها، تظل مخطوفة بنداء سري، كما تظل ساكنة، و دموعها تنسل من روح خفيفة و عذراء، ثم ترنم أناشيد بلغة لم أكن أعرفها!

كانت امرأة !
امرأة متصوفة، تعبد البحر، و تصلي دون توقف!

أردت النجاة..!
لكن صلواتها السرية و تقواها الجليلة..كانت أقوى من إرادتي المنهوبة ، و روحي المتداعية، المترنحة، و هرولة أنفاسي المتلاحقة و تعلقي برائحتها .. جعل أمر نجاتي شيئا عسيرا، مستحيلا، و قاسيا.
لقد ذهبت حقا،
ذهبت المرأة التي منحتني الحب، و بقيت روحي تعبد سيرتها و تدور حول طيفها البعيد، و تجول صورتها داخل منامي، تحت مسام الجلد، بين الأنفاس الصاعدة، تحت حجر المخيلة، على أجساد جميع النساء اللاتي أمر بهن يوميا، و على دفتر خيباتي الكلية المتناسلة.

سأصلي لأجل تلك الروح البعيدة، سأصلي لأجلها الآن، لأجل الروح التي منحتني الحب دون توقف حتى رحيلها.

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